BARNEY.

So.  I'd heard that a movie was made of Barney's Version by Mordecai Richler and I thought, damn, I should read more CanLit.  My record in this regard is embarrassingly poor.  I don't even want to admit to how little of Canada's (uh...purportedly...!!) fine literature I've read.  I'm sorry.  Anyway, I decided to begin atoning for my behavior by getting Barney's Version from the library, but when it arrived for me at my local branch, it was nestled on the holds shelf alongside five other books (I both love and hate when this happens).  I started in on it but quickly realized that it seemed fairly awesome, and therefore purchasing it would be a safe bet.  But, being perennially broke and having five other books to read in the meantime, I waited and asked for it for Xmas.  In the interim, I heard an interview with the movie's screenwriter on Q.  He came off as a bit of a cocky twerp, but I guess I was in a charitable mood at the time and though, "Eh, the kid's just got moxie, that's all."  He talked confidently about how he reworked a lot of the narrative to have it make sense as a movie and tweaked certain aspects (such as settings) to make it more commercially appealing in international markets.  I thought, "Hey, this is interesting.  We're learning a bit about the realities of movie-making.  This guy's being quite straightforward, and he's kind of right--a movie with a lot of voiceover explaining everything is pretty universally lame."  Then, I read the book.

I cried throughout the whole last chapter (or the "Afterword"*) and clutched the book to my chest for a good five minutes or so after closing it for the last time.  I love this motherfucking book so much.  I had no idea I would love it this much.  How dare they touch a proverbial hair on this book's proverbial head?  BASTARDS.  Of course, honestly...I might have actually enjoyed the movie if I hadn't read the book.  But...no.  I'm really glad I read the book because I absolutely love it and now it's all up in my brainpan.  And to be perfectly honest here, I am not a "movie person."  I am much, much more of a book person (also, a big-time TV person, and a music person).  I barely like any movies.  I barely see any movies.  I don't actually have the option to see this anyway (well, before it's released on DVD)--it hasn't been released in my town (which is a pretty big, pretty movie-loving market), and since we're already post-Academy Awards announcements and the movie isn't up for anything big, I don't anticipate it being released here.  So, I headed for my computer to see what I was missing.

I felt a bit ill watching the trailer.  The whole thing was like, "What?!?  NO."  Now it's a buddy picture for Barney and his dad?  1950s Paris is now (by the looks of it) 1970s Rome?  Clara is a pretty blonde?  Fucking "Bang A Gong"?  Well, okay, that last one is more of a beef with the trailer itself.  Also, Paul Giamatti is just...no.  I don't like him for this.  I don't want to sound harsh but the thought of looking at and listening to him for the length of an entire movie...bums me out.  I got tired of him just watching the trailer.  He's not Barney.  Barney has a wicked charm, despite his curmudgeonly (at best) and often downright dickish (at worst) ways.  Paul Giamatti is just a schlub, and appears to be once again playing to type.  But, I think I like Minnie Driver as the Second Mrs. Panofsky.  And Mark Addy as Seamus O'Hearne seems like pretty good casting though, weirdly, he doesn't appear in what is billed as the "official" trailer, yet he's all over what's called the "US trailer".  I really don't know about Scott Speedman as Boogie, though having said that I want to like him because, weirdly, just seeing him in the trailer made me weak-kneed.  I know he's been in other stuff--which I haven't seen (not a movie person...)--but he really just makes me flash back to Felicity and even though I haven't seen that show in about a decade (gawd, I feel oooold), I was arguably just as into Ben as Felicity was (see?  total TV person).  Anyway.

Actually, now that I watched three different trailers for this movie four or five times each (and will now be humming "Bang A Gong" for the next three days), I kind of want to see the movie even though I am ideologically opposed to its very existence (oh yeah, I bring the drama).  I am soooo complicated.  If it does ever open here, I will buy an extra-large box of popcorn (or a "Monster Bucket" of popcorn, in the parlance of the movie theater I worked at for two weeks when I was 20) so I can throw handfuls at the screen while jeering and hissing.  God, I am practically live-blogging my change of heart re: this movie because after I typed that last sentence I watched Paul Giamatti's Golden Globe acceptance speech (best actor for his role in Barney's Version).  The man said, "I salute the great nation of Canada," while actually literally saluting.  Okay, Paul.  I like you.  And I like your glasses!  You seem nice.  But...I'm still not sure about you in this movie, and I'm less sure of the movie itself.  Bottom line, the book is just too, too amazing and to mess with it in any way seems hideous and hateful (DRAMZ).  IMO, Richler should have gone full Salinger on this one and made sure no one made it into a movie.


*Read the book to find out why this is in quotes.  Oh, please read it!