BARNEY.

So.  I'd heard that a movie was made of Barney's Version by Mordecai Richler and I thought, damn, I should read more CanLit.  My record in this regard is embarrassingly poor.  I don't even want to admit to how little of Canada's (uh...purportedly...!!) fine literature I've read.  I'm sorry.  Anyway, I decided to begin atoning for my behavior by getting Barney's Version from the library, but when it arrived for me at my local branch, it was nestled on the holds shelf alongside five other books (I both love and hate when this happens).  I started in on it but quickly realized that it seemed fairly awesome, and therefore purchasing it would be a safe bet.  But, being perennially broke and having five other books to read in the meantime, I waited and asked for it for Xmas.  In the interim, I heard an interview with the movie's screenwriter on Q.  He came off as a bit of a cocky twerp, but I guess I was in a charitable mood at the time and though, "Eh, the kid's just got moxie, that's all."  He talked confidently about how he reworked a lot of the narrative to have it make sense as a movie and tweaked certain aspects (such as settings) to make it more commercially appealing in international markets.  I thought, "Hey, this is interesting.  We're learning a bit about the realities of movie-making.  This guy's being quite straightforward, and he's kind of right--a movie with a lot of voiceover explaining everything is pretty universally lame."  Then, I read the book.

I cried throughout the whole last chapter (or the "Afterword"*) and clutched the book to my chest for a good five minutes or so after closing it for the last time.  I love this motherfucking book so much.  I had no idea I would love it this much.  How dare they touch a proverbial hair on this book's proverbial head?  BASTARDS.  Of course, honestly...I might have actually enjoyed the movie if I hadn't read the book.  But...no.  I'm really glad I read the book because I absolutely love it and now it's all up in my brainpan.  And to be perfectly honest here, I am not a "movie person."  I am much, much more of a book person (also, a big-time TV person, and a music person).  I barely like any movies.  I barely see any movies.  I don't actually have the option to see this anyway (well, before it's released on DVD)--it hasn't been released in my town (which is a pretty big, pretty movie-loving market), and since we're already post-Academy Awards announcements and the movie isn't up for anything big, I don't anticipate it being released here.  So, I headed for my computer to see what I was missing.

I felt a bit ill watching the trailer.  The whole thing was like, "What?!?  NO."  Now it's a buddy picture for Barney and his dad?  1950s Paris is now (by the looks of it) 1970s Rome?  Clara is a pretty blonde?  Fucking "Bang A Gong"?  Well, okay, that last one is more of a beef with the trailer itself.  Also, Paul Giamatti is just...no.  I don't like him for this.  I don't want to sound harsh but the thought of looking at and listening to him for the length of an entire movie...bums me out.  I got tired of him just watching the trailer.  He's not Barney.  Barney has a wicked charm, despite his curmudgeonly (at best) and often downright dickish (at worst) ways.  Paul Giamatti is just a schlub, and appears to be once again playing to type.  But, I think I like Minnie Driver as the Second Mrs. Panofsky.  And Mark Addy as Seamus O'Hearne seems like pretty good casting though, weirdly, he doesn't appear in what is billed as the "official" trailer, yet he's all over what's called the "US trailer".  I really don't know about Scott Speedman as Boogie, though having said that I want to like him because, weirdly, just seeing him in the trailer made me weak-kneed.  I know he's been in other stuff--which I haven't seen (not a movie person...)--but he really just makes me flash back to Felicity and even though I haven't seen that show in about a decade (gawd, I feel oooold), I was arguably just as into Ben as Felicity was (see?  total TV person).  Anyway.

Actually, now that I watched three different trailers for this movie four or five times each (and will now be humming "Bang A Gong" for the next three days), I kind of want to see the movie even though I am ideologically opposed to its very existence (oh yeah, I bring the drama).  I am soooo complicated.  If it does ever open here, I will buy an extra-large box of popcorn (or a "Monster Bucket" of popcorn, in the parlance of the movie theater I worked at for two weeks when I was 20) so I can throw handfuls at the screen while jeering and hissing.  God, I am practically live-blogging my change of heart re: this movie because after I typed that last sentence I watched Paul Giamatti's Golden Globe acceptance speech (best actor for his role in Barney's Version).  The man said, "I salute the great nation of Canada," while actually literally saluting.  Okay, Paul.  I like you.  And I like your glasses!  You seem nice.  But...I'm still not sure about you in this movie, and I'm less sure of the movie itself.  Bottom line, the book is just too, too amazing and to mess with it in any way seems hideous and hateful (DRAMZ).  IMO, Richler should have gone full Salinger on this one and made sure no one made it into a movie.


*Read the book to find out why this is in quotes.  Oh, please read it!

Okay, so...I wrote this big long thing* about how I read a few articles about music at the end of 2010 that were just supercritical downers that ended up totally depressing me.  But that was boring.  So instead, I think I will just say that I read some dumb shit by music critics that I regretted reading because, even though anyone who knows me would verify that I am quite critical and bitchy, it seemed too mean to me.  And I should add that it was all about artists and songs I didn't like in the first place, but I ended up almost wanting to defend them against super-pissy and overly hyperbolic criticism.  So I thought it might cheer me up to think of some Canada-y, music-y stuff from the last year that I like and then share it with the zero readers of my blog.  To wit:

-I am so the last person you would expect to hear saying, "I like this remix."  And yet, here we are.  This remix is great, and the video is endearingly awesome.  I really dig that it has a slightly similar feel to the Duck Sauce video--studio, party, friends, dancing, cameos--but it has a big, wonderful la jeunesse de Montreal vibe to it that makes it actually look like more fun to me than the original.  Which looks like fun too (my favorite part is where they are drinking milkshakes (?) with their arms entwined), but mostly the kind of fun that cool people have in a music video, whereas in this video practically everyone seems cool too but also has a broad, genuine grin on their face and it's all tee-shirt making and shots of the city and Lauren Collins (!) and cute guys in cute glasses (for more of that, see below) and reppin' the 514 and the kind of bright light that makes everything look fun and cheery, and there's a free download of the song on this video's YouTube page along with a list of the people who appear in the video, both of which are very much appreciated by me.

-These glasses on this face.  Fucking MADE FOR EACH OTHER.  Why do cool people always have the coolest, most perfect accessories?  Not being anything close to cool, I have always wondered about this.  Like, this shit is so cool I know he was one of those dudes in school who always wanted to borrow a pencil and a piece of paper from an uncool person like me who schlepped a huge binder and all my books and different-colored pens for every subject plus shit like a hole-punch (just in case!) around in a huge backpack.  And it was always a mystery what these cool guys did with the pencil they were "loaned" because they would never give it back but they would always need one the next day too (hmm, well...pencil-fighting** was a scourge in some schools).  (And, in case you were wondering, this is music-related because it's Dave1 from Chromeo and it's Canada-related because he's from Montreal though it's never totally clear to me whether the band is NY or Montreal-based, or...both?  And this photo is a screencap from a video that I hope to talk about here in the future--I seriously want to discuss Chromeo and Business Casual in more detail.  Hold me to this.  Anyway, I take way too much delight in screencapping everything lately.  So, to be clear, not my photo (they don't let me get this near cool people***, haha) but I did screencap it myself).

-Radio Radio is the friggin' awesomest, most totally-out-of-left-field goofy Acadian rap group EVER.  And I think probably the coolest thing about them is that if you look up "Chiac" on Wikipedia, there is actually a link to the above video (avec les paroles).  I would say that Radio Radio is one of those love them or hate them groups--jokey hipster Beastie Boys-esque French rapping is not for everyone--but I would say I'm firmly in the "love them" camp.  The Acadian-French-mixed-with-English (Chiac, check the Wikipedia link!) gives the impression of a dizzying, dazzling grip on the two languages, with the nervy swagger to fluidly mix the two in a way that seems to frustrate both francophones (words unfamiliar to even the quebecois and perhaps too much English intruding on the French) and anglophones (waaaay too much French for people who don't know it).  Anyway, their latest album, Belmundo Regal, is a bit more slick and musical than the album "Jacuzzi" came from (Cliche Hot), and it was shortlisted for the 2010 Polaris Prize (props, guys).  It is just the sort of fun and funny gem that I bust out when I need cheering up.  Yay for this.

-Shad's latest album, TSOL, is great.  That is all.  No, wait, that is not all.  This video is fab, and not just because in it Shad is not only cute but also wearing the dopest sneakers ever.  I love the end, where he slyly gives credit where credit is due.  And I shall now relate to you my ten favorite lyrics (they vary in length though, so...lines? verses? passages? whatever, you get it, right?) on TSOL (accuracy ensured by the lyric sheet in the album sleeve), in no particular order:

1. The cat's out the bag the new Shad's out/Now they spell it S.H.-A.D.D. the way I spazz out/I don't badmouth but I quickly put down a cat if he bit me/Like Roy's boy Sigfried. -"Yaa I Get It"
2. I ain't gotta say real talk 'cause all my talk is. -"Lucky 1's"
3. It's the Mister North of the 49th/Spitter of the sort of rhymes/you can borderline picture/Story-time Slick Rick meets Mordecai Richler. -"We Are the Ones (Reservoir Poetry)"
4. Chilled, said I don't wanna link give me my space/Like Tom, now I'm tryin' to add a friend/if she on the same page like my comments and Top 8. -"Call Waiting"
5. Well my name ain't Lil Wayne Gretzky/but y'all know better than to check me/in the game I hold records like a Technics/Telling referees 'peek at the press seats for a sec please...'/Drop ya gloves OJ--I'll knock you into next week/make ya get teeth replaced. -"Yaa I Get It"
6. The world turns and there's clouds sometimes/but there's no such thing as a setting sun/it always keeps shining... -"Keep Shining"
7. She's the only girl like Snow White or Smurfette. -"Telephone"
8. The Mississauga continues--Brampton/where my DJ's lampin' like Green Lantern--Sampling. -"Rose Garden"
9. Life's no grand prix/no race, no pace car, and there's no shortcuts/and no one's that special--there ain't no short bus. -"Lucky 1's"
10. I weigh two bucks, and if I had two slugs to spray like rah rah/Glenn Beck better duck like foie gras/Make shots poke his face like Gaga but Mama says forgive/so I'll give him that bar like a Mars and let him live. -"Rose Garden"

But now having done that, I'm like, "But what about 'A Good Name'?  And 'Listen'?  And 'Telephone' is nothing but awesome lyrics!  And what about that part in 'Keep Shining' about how we need more female rappers?  And 'We, Myself, and I' and 'At the Same Time'..."  Yeah, this album is awesome and it is totally readily available in the US--I bought it at my local neighborhood record store, so no excuses.

-I bought a new iPod recently (the old one was a hand-me-down and it was really scratched up and beaten to hell by the time I got it, but I used it for two years until the headphone jack completely died and the battery would only hold about two hours worth of juice per charge), and of the 25 most-played songs so far, eight are from Dan Mangan's album, Nice, Nice, Very Nice.  I think that's all I'll say for now, because Dan Mangan is another person I really want to talk about more in-depth here in the future...

-Why no ladies?  I am usually all about the ladies, but my Canadian lady holy trinity of Emily Haines, Feist, and Amy Millan didn't put out anything (or anything that I was wild about, or maybe anything I would be wild about but was too lazy/poor/out of it**** to have heard) in 2010.  But, oh, there is Coeur de Pirate, who I have gotten hip to lately.  I think this is my favorite song of hers.

-Et voila.

*Sophisticated word choice FTW.
**Is pencil-fighting still a thing?  Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
***I have such a thing* (see above) about cool people, can you tell?  I am so uncool it hurts.  But don't worry, it doesn't hurt that badly.
****And if there are three words I would use to describe myself, they would most definitely be lazy, poor, and out of it (I know "out of it" is three words all by itself, but you know what I mean).